Wednesday, 13 October 2010

Soap Opera Anyone?

Life can be strange sometimes. I've gone most of my life (ok, so it's only sixteen years and ten months) without any real drama. Due to my father's job my family moved around a lot when I was younger, but that's hardly dramatic. I remember once when I was nine my father moved out of the house for a day after having a bad argument with my mother, but that's hardly dramatic. Even when I came out it wasn't exactly dramatic - I told my best friend I was gay and in love with him, he told me he was gay and felt the same way. We told my parents and though there were a lot of questions and conversations there were no raised voices or tears. We told his parents we were gay and they shouted...for about ten minutes before calming down and realising they were being stupid.

If my life up to July of this year had been a soap opera, people would have gotten bored of watching long ago. And that's just how I like it.

Then July happened. Don't want to talk about it again, but I think it set something off. After July I had the drama of August, locked away in my house, my boyfriend trying to coax me out of my depression, finishing the month by proposing to me. Then there was September. We had the drama of telling our parents we were engaged (my mother knew before Dylan asked, but my father and his parents didn't know until after). That prompted long lectures from them about rushing into things and waiting until we're older, and long lectures from us about how we're not planning on getting married until we've graduated from University at the earliest.

Then we had drama from my brother. In the middle of September he sat us all down and told us that a girl he had never dated, never had sex with, never really said more than a couple of words to, was claiming that she was pregnant and he was the father. I know my brother can be an ass at times, but he is more responsible than I like to give him credit for, so if he did get a girl pregnant he'd do the right thing. He hasn't, though. He has had sex exactly once in his life - an admission that caused me great amusement - and that was back when he was fifteen.

To cut a long story short, the girl in question is somewhat lacking in sanity and wasn't even pregnant. She just wanted attention, so earlier this year she made up a story about a secret affair she was having with my brother, telling all her friends about it, and the lies escalated. She first told her best friend that she thought she might be pregnant, then said that she was pregnant, then said that he had accused her of cheating and denied being the father, then said that the stress caused her to have a miscarriage. She might have got away with it too, and ruined my brother's reputation, if her friends hadn't caught her in the lie.

Perhaps that's why I feel sympathetic towards someone I don't really like on a forum I go to. He's an arrogant, opinionated ass who thinks he's smarter than everyone else and has an aggressive style of debate that verges on bullying. Some of his views are racist, many of them are ignorant (like claiming that rape victims are complicit in their attack by putting themselves in a situation where they can be attacked, which of course didn't endear him to me). However, now he's being accused of being a pedophile, and the evidence for that allegation? He's told a few bad taste jokes and admitted that, at the age of twenty, he is attracted to older teens and has had sex with a sixteen year old.

It doesn't matter whether you think it is morally acceptable for a twenty year old man to have sex with a sixteen year old boy. It is legal where he lives and having an attraction to sixteen year olds does not make him a pedophile. You can call him misguided. You can call him morally bankrupt. You can call him sick. Those opinions are subjective and we are all entitled to believe whatever the hell we want. You cannot, however, accuse someone of being a pedophile, an accusation that can not only impact their current and future employment prospects, but which can also place them in very real physical danger from idiot vigilantes who see it as their moral duty to protect society.

Bullying of all kinds angers me, and while his behaviour at times has verged on bullying (the intellectual kind), this is outright, unashamed bullying that could have lasting consequences. It's sickening.

Went off on a little tangent there, but after seeing my brother go through something similar it's hard not to feel sympathy for the guy, no matter how I feel about him.

So, back to the drama. End of September comes around and I'm feeling drained. Hardly unexpected given all that's been going on, but my mother decided to have a good flap about it and ended up sending me to the doctor to get checked out. I thought maybe I might need anti-depressants or something, but he did a blood test, then sent me to the hospital for some more tests, and then delivered the good news. Turns out I have a minor case of cancer. And I do mean that it's a minor case. It's been caught in the early stages and according to my doctor it's one of the better kind of cancers to get as the chances of survival are high even if it hadn't been caught so early. I'm sure as shit not dying anyway. But I have started chemo and so the past week has been spent feeling even more exhausted, with the added bonus of vomiting. Couldn't deal with the hair loss so I shaved my head (with my brother's help), and now realise just how much warmth my hair provided.

I really can't catch a break at the moment! I've got another month of treatment, and then I expect I'll be given the all clear and can hopefully resume a quiet, drama-free life. Seriously - I know there are people who thrive on drama - you can't spend any real length of time on the Internet without encountering them - but I'm not one of them. I'm not saying I want my life to be boring, but a little less interesting would suit me just fine.

10 comments:

  1. Drama is OK when it's soap opera related! It's not when it's YOUR HEALTH! Ryo, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. But thank heavens the cancer is minor, caught early, and you're getting treatment. I'm sure the chemo makes the cure seem worse than the disease. Fortunately, hair grows back! I'll keep you in my prayers.

    CONGRATULATIONS on the engagement! I can just hear the lectures! But since you have thought it out, then it's all good. I wish you the most happiness any 2 guys can have!

    As to the rest of the drama. I feel for your brother, and I assume it's all sorted out how.

    To the forum guy...I have mixed feelings - not about his sexual preferences, but whether or not he brought the bullying on himself - by his own actions and admissions. The rumors are not good, but admitting what he admitted brings out strong feelings from people, and they tend to hit hard and hit low. I agree, bullying is bad, but...I dunno...hard to explain.

    Hope you get feeling better FAST!
    Peace <3
    Jay

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  2. Thanks Jay. Obviously there are no guarantees with cancer, but my doctor said very clearly that given my age, my physical condition, the type of cancer and how early it was caught he was as sure as he could be that I'll make a full recovery, and while I suppose I should be worried, I'm not. Sometimes you just know how things are going to turn out. This is a road bump, not a brick wall.

    I suppose all the lectures were right as we both know we're too young to think about marriage, but we both know that we're going to be together for the rest of our lives. I'm sure there are plenty of teenagers in relationships who feel that way, which is why we're waiting, but there are couples, like my grandparents, who get together at fourteen/fifteen/sixteen and stay together. We're playing it safe, planning to live together first and, ideally, wait until same-sex marriage is legal in the UK, or at least Scotland, rather than the civil partnership compromise, so there's plenty of time for us to be certain we're doing the right thing.

    As for the forum guy, I do know what you mean. His behaviour has provoked people and he has given them the ammunition they're using against him, but their reaction is disproportionate and cruel. It would be legitimate for them to question his morality, but to call him a pedophile is a step too far. I suppose I have sympathy for his situation rather than him personally, but I hate bullying of all kinds, regardless of the motivation.

    Ryo

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  3. Ryo,
    Willing to tell us what kind of cancer? You don't have to, but with a post like that, I admit my nosyness level goes up a bit. I'd like to really understand what's up, but only if you feel like it's not too personal. I know several kinds that fall into your description, and a couple can be embarrassing, so it's OK if you don't want to share it. I understand.

    I also don't want you to think that I was adding to the lectures. Sorry, I re-read what I wrote and it does sound a bit condescending. Two of my best friends started dating at 14 (him) and 15 (her). They're 24 & 25 now, been married two years, and are two of the happiest people I know. So young love can absolutely be true and lasting. I pray yours will be, too!

    I agree that bullying is wrong. I took a huge risk tonight and re-posted a FB status about the gay kids that were bullied into suicide, and my FB page is as deeply closeted as I am. So I am against it. But I don't think there's a lot of sympathy for someone who brings it on himself. Tit for tat has a way of escalating. I agree, the situation is bad. Good observation. I know all about false accusations. There's a blog post somewhere deep inside my about that very topic.

    Keep us posted on the recovery! And of course, everything else!

    Peace <3
    Jay

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  4. Hi Jay,

    I don't mind talking about the cancer at all, I just don't want to dwell on it too much as I'm confident it's just a little speed bump in my life rather than a big drama. It's a type of non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma called Precursor T-cell lymphoblastic lymphoma. It's one of the more common adolescent cancers so you might even have encountered a few kids who have had it. It's one of those cancers where if you catch it early enough the survival rate is better than 90% and even if it's caught later you're chances are still likely better than 50%. At least, that's what my doctor said. I must admit my eyes tend to glaze over a bit whenever I hear medical talk, even if it's about me, so I could be a little out with those figures.

    Anyway, it's nasty but curable, so I'm just going to focus on the treatment and try not to worry about the end result too much. For now, anyway. I expect when the treatment's over I'll be nervous about possibly having to go through it again, but right now my biggest concern is my hair. I couldn't handle the idea of losing it so my brother helped me shave it off. I loved my hair so, as weird as this might sound, its absence is what's upsetting me most at the moment. I mean, just look at my pictures! I'm no longer seeing the world through my fringe and it's too bright!

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  5. Good attitude! I am convinced that a positive attitude absolutely contributes to healing.

    If the pic on the blog is really you, I can only imagine how much different you look without hair! Not in a bad way, necessarily, but certainly different!

    I know you don't want to dwell on it, so I'll shut up, but please let us know how you're doing!

    Peace <3
    Jay

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  6. Thanks mate. And yes, the picture on the blog is really me. If I was going to use someone else's picture I would have found someone far more attractive. :P

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  7. Hey Ryo, I agree with you that false and malicious things said on the internet can ruin a persons life and shouldn't be tolerated. Many cowardly people love hiding behind the anonymity that the internet provides, to spew their hateful and many times unfactual messages. These people have to be called out and not allowed to continue spreading hate.

    I am very sorry to hear of your cancer diagnosis, but am heartened that it was caught early. Your extraordinarily positive outlook also brightens my heart and I know you will beat this.

    Love and hugs, JR

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  8. Hi guys,

    Just a quick update as I'm feeling like crap at the moment. It's too early to say for sure, but the treatment appears to be working. I've got another six weeks of treatment and should know in January if it's been successful, but at the moment things are looking positive.

    Thanks to all of you for your support and encouragement. This has been a tough year, but it's also had its good points so I'm determined to beat this so next year can be perfect.

    Ryo

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  9. Oh, Ryo!
    I'm so sorry you feel like crap...but it's SOOOO WONDERFUL THAT THINGS ARE LOOKING UP!!!

    Positive is an understatement. January isn't that far away, and then you can re-grow your hair.

    We're still around, kid...not going anywhere, thanks for the update.

    Peace <3
    Jay

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  10. Ryo!
    How are things going? I hope well, dude.
    How are you and Dylan? Everything good there?
    Drop me a line (jaygeemmm@gmail.com) if you get a chance, or maybe a quick blog post?
    Peace <3
    Jay

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