Been a while...

OK, so it hasn't been all that long since my last blog post, but I promised myself when I created this blog that I would updated it at least twice a week, so bad me. Now the self-scolding is over, only the update...

Dylan has gone back home and I miss him so much, but we had a great time when he was here. We didn't go out much. In fact, it was only in the last couple of days he was here that he managed to coax me out of the house, but we'll come to that later. We talked more in the past few weeks than I think we did in the entire time we were best friends. There were some days where we just stayed in bed for most of the day talking about life, about what happened, about nothing in particular. I feel like I know him better now than I ever have, and I love everything I've seen and heard.

We didn't have sex while he was here. I wanted to try it during the last week of his visit, but he told me he wanted to wait until he was sure I was ready, and as I couldn't honestly tell him I was ready we just kissed and cuddled. There's a part of me that regrets not having sex with him before he left. I know it sounds stupid, but our first time was for all the wrong reasons and while I might not have enjoyed our second time it would have been for the right reasons - because I love him and I know he loves me.

He did have a surprise for me before he left, though. During the last weekend of his visit he went out with my mother for a few hours, supposedly to help her with the shopping at the supermarket. They came back with the shopping so I didn't think much of it, but he'd bought a little something else too. Now, for those of you who don't know my history with Dylan, we were best friends for years, but last summer his family decided to move down south and I was faced with losing not only my best friend, but the guy I'd been in love with for years. So two days before he was due to move I took him down to the river behind my house and came out to him, told him how I felt, and he told me he felt the same way. We've been together ever since, even though we live so far apart and barely see each other.

Anyway, two days before he was due to go home after this visit, he convinced me to leave the house for the first time in nearly a month and go with him to the river for an hour or so. He told me that he couldn't leave knowing I was afraid to go outside and convinced me that it would be better to leave the house while he was with me, and of course he was right. We sat by the river for about an hour just talking, and then I decided I wanted to go back to the house, but as I got up to go he caught my wrist, fumbled with something in his pocket, and produced this little box.

If you think you know where this is going, you're right. On the day he went out with my mother, they went to a jewellery store in town and he bought a pair of rings - silver with a black band through the middle. And two days before he was due to go home he proposed! :D

Of course I said yes.

Now, I know we're only sixteen, and we're not stupid. We're not planning on getting married (or what passes for marriage for same sex couples in this country) right away. We both want to go to University, so our plan is to see each other as much as we can over the next two years, study hard so we can both get into Edinburgh, live together while we're at Uni, and talk about setting a date after we've been living together for at least a year. It's likely that date won't be until we've both graduated.

Even though marriage is a long way off, Dylan felt that we couldn't be apart for another two years without making some kind of commitment beyond the one we already had, and every time I see the ring on my finger I know that he's mine and will always be there for me. Maybe we're just being stupid kids for doing something like this now, but it's the kind of stupidity I'm happy to live with. He's mine and nobody else gets to have him. :P

It was sad when he had to leave, and I cried a lot when I got home afterwards, but I've spoken to him every night, seen him on webcam every night, and we plan to talk every day until he can come back here, hopefully over Christmas if not sooner.

In other news, I'm supposed to be back at school now, but on the day I was due to return I discovered a slight problem. I'm studying four subjects this year, and two of the boys who attacked me are also taking one of those subjects, and the third boy is taking another subject with me, so in half my classes I'd have to see at least one of them. When I found that out I decided I couldn't go back to school, had a tiny bit of a meltdown and locked myself in my room. I mean, it's bad enough that I would have to be in the same building as them, but in the same classroom?

Anyway, my parents went to the school and talked to the head teacher. She isn't going to make the boys change courses, and I can understand that. They were cautioned for assault, but not arrested for rape, so while she's sympathetic there's not all that much she can do. Unfortunately, because of the way courses are structured she also wasn't sure she could allow me to change courses too. However, after much discussion she has agreed to allow me to switch to new courses starting Monday.

I'm still going to be studying Art and English, but now instead of History and Maths I'm going to be doing French and Geography. I'll still have to see those bastards from time to time, but I won't be in the same classroom as them when I'm studying. She has also said that she's spoken to the boys and warned them to stay away from me at school, and out of school, apparently telling them that if they lay a finger on me again they'll be expelled. I'm sure some of it is just talk, but it's nice to know that she's on my side.

And she is. She's not exactly known for being a warm, caring person, but when she saw me yesterday afternoon she gave me a big hug and told me that she would do her best to help me over the next two years.

I should also say that after I came out a year ago, she called me into her office as soon as she heard the news. I thought I was going to be in trouble. The only times I'd been in that office in the past had been when I'd dyed my hair, and then she'd lectured me on my appearance, telling me some crap about the image I'm projecting and stuff like that. Anyway, when she called me into her office that day it was to tell me that she was concerned about my decision to come out while I was at school - not because she had a problem with my sexuality or thought that there was anything wrong with me coming out, but because she knew that there would be idiots who would give me crap because of it. She told me at the time that if anyone gave me any trouble I should go to her and tell her.

Of course, I didn't, but then a few snide comments, a bit of name calling and the occasional shove were hardly problems I felt I needed help with. If anyone had actually hit me in school, I would have gone to her. If anyone had actually threatened me in school, I would have gone to her. I didn't see the point in running to her every time someone was mean to me. Besides, I was used to it.

In addition to being gay, I'm also Asian. I'm Japanese living in a small town in Scotland where people barely even tan and attending a private school with several hundred pasty white kids. Snide comments, rude names and the occasional shove were hardly new to me, so when I came out it was really more of the same. The only thing that was different were the names they called me - and I quite like the term "gaysian". I know the people using it intended to be cruel, and it is the intention behind words rather than the words themselves that should be considered offensive, but there's something cute about the word. I'm a gaysian and proud of it. :D

I'm rambling off on a tangent now, so back to the point. The head teacher has put through the paperwork so I can change courses, and provided me with the reading material I'll need for all four of my subjects so I can catch up before I go back on Monday. She's also told the teaching staff at the school what happened to me and who was responsible, warning them to watch out for those boys and notify her if they see any trouble. I'm not sure I feel safe going back there, and I'm not entirely happy about it, but I'm not going to be beaten by pondscum.

So that's my news. Life is getting better, I'm now engaged, and I'm back to school on Monday. Oh, and I'm seeing a counsellor twice a week. Lots of stuff I should have blogged about, but so much going on I didn't have time.