Head Spinning

After what happened in July I started seeing a counsellor to try and deal with the experience. Then I found out I was sick and dealing with that became my biggest priority. I didn't really have time to think about anything else, or perhaps I pushed it out of my mind. When I was told I was in remission, and after spending all that time in hospital afterwards, I came home and felt so happy to be alive I just wanted to get on with my life.

For three weeks I managed it, and then yesterday I saw a post on a forum I visit about a guy who was raped at a party after someone slipped something into his drink. It didn't really affect me. I felt sympathy for him, of course, but I didn't relate his experience to my own until I posted in a related thread and started talking about it. I know it's stupid seven months on to be whining about this again, but talking about it got me thinking about it and now it's all I can think about.

I just want to be happy, to forget about the past year and move on, but just when I thought I was in a position to do that I remind myself and it hurts just as much as it did the day it happened. I've told my Mum I want to start seeing the counsellor again and I'm determined to do everything I can to keep my mind off it until I can, but I feel like there's something bubbling up inside me and it scares the shit out of me.

Anyway, just wanted to vent. It's a fairly pathetic vent as vents go, but all I've got energy for at the moment.